Lying in bed unable to lift my head I certainly have enough time to think back to happier times. But practical considerations gobble up my energy ... I'm thirsty but I dont want to drink too much - because it will result in the inevitable 5 meter assault on the loo... this might be a touch personal but there you go.
Nothing like falling over your feet in front of all of town to break down a couple of barriers. In fact I can almost prescribe a touch of debilitating disease for society in general.
Khalil Gibran said "your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"
Slightly irritating and reassuring that I always agree with him but YES I am understanding so many things I am rambling ... many many things to understand at the very same moment that I dont have the energy to assimilate any of them to my satisfaction.
There is the big picture - and the stories are grim almost unbearably so... and then there is the smaller picture. Just one life. Just mine. It is a slippery road of fighting and acceptance and defiance and defeat. Like in a real life war there is no big victory - as you slowly unlearn your mortality and your invinceability you know that you will never need it quite as much again. But you also understand that it will never be yours ever again either.
I started with life before Lyme - and ended very quickly in the co-morbid depression that IS Lyme. This aberration should be added to the list of symptoms really. What Alasdair Crockett referred to as "the depth of ignorance" before he committed suicide is all around me.
I was diagnosed far too late to save my dignity ... but now I keep hearing stories of misdiagnosis of Motor Neuron disease and Multiple Sclerosis and ... there seems really to be an absolutely frightening lack of any co-herence.
We really are a great secret funny society... lunatics every one of us - read the blogs... we all sound like the mad hatter.
Indeed Lewis Carol could have done something with this Lyme!
Nothing like falling over your feet in front of all of town to break down a couple of barriers. In fact I can almost prescribe a touch of debilitating disease for society in general.
Khalil Gibran said "your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"
Slightly irritating and reassuring that I always agree with him but YES I am understanding so many things I am rambling ... many many things to understand at the very same moment that I dont have the energy to assimilate any of them to my satisfaction.
There is the big picture - and the stories are grim almost unbearably so... and then there is the smaller picture. Just one life. Just mine. It is a slippery road of fighting and acceptance and defiance and defeat. Like in a real life war there is no big victory - as you slowly unlearn your mortality and your invinceability you know that you will never need it quite as much again. But you also understand that it will never be yours ever again either.
I started with life before Lyme - and ended very quickly in the co-morbid depression that IS Lyme. This aberration should be added to the list of symptoms really. What Alasdair Crockett referred to as "the depth of ignorance" before he committed suicide is all around me.
I was diagnosed far too late to save my dignity ... but now I keep hearing stories of misdiagnosis of Motor Neuron disease and Multiple Sclerosis and ... there seems really to be an absolutely frightening lack of any co-herence.
We really are a great secret funny society... lunatics every one of us - read the blogs... we all sound like the mad hatter.
Indeed Lewis Carol could have done something with this Lyme!
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